When your motivations and character are questioned: Recovering from “the loudest (online voices) ” against you

When your motivations and character are questioned: Recovering from

“At first, they’ll only dislike what you say, but the more correct you start sounding the more they’ll dislike you.” Criss Jami

“…in the midst of Winter, I found that there was, within me, an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus

Part One

The most immature response you can receive: An arguer who attacks the person instead of the argument. Whenever an arguer cannot defend his/her position with evidence, facts or reason, he or she may resort to attacking an opponent either through: labelling, straw man arguments, name calling, offensive remarks and anger. ad hominem: [Latin for “to the man.”]

If somebody publishes or spreads false information about you, your reputation might be damaged. This is called ‘defamation’, and it is against the law. The law protects your reputation by not allowing false information about you to be published. If it is too late, and the information has already been published, you can sue the person who has defamed you and the court may award you damages (money) to compensate you for the damage done to your reputation.http://tinyurl.com/chw7xwm

If you find defamatory remarks in Posts or comments on social media, I suggest you do what I do and print and file them. Even if the remarks are later removed, it doesn’t matter. Excuses like “I didn’t mean it” don’t wash. The Posting of any such comments indicates an intent to defame. Once made Public, even for a second, the Law is on your side.

Even a verbal comment to one other person who will corroborate the statement was made or Posted is a possible legal case. If you wish to pursue you may accept a public apology, but if earning capacity is perceived to be reduced in future times, the Law is on your side generally speaking. Such cases are expensive for the defamation perpetrator.

Part Two

Petrea Hansen-Adamidis suggests 5 Steps to Deal with Self-Doubt and Trust Your Self Again  http://bit.ly/1dL90n4

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac

A while back I began to feel out of sorts with my writing. It happened after coming down from the high of creating almost nonstop with my inner muse. I noticed that I began to feel down, like the feeling one gets after being at the amusement park when the excitement is over.

Creating and finishing my projects had been a wild ride. It was exciting and intense at times. But once done, an insidious feeling began to over take me.

My thoughts began to wander to “the dark side” questioning my abilities.

What if I can’t create something new? What if people don’t like what I have done?

Like after any expenditure of energy, there is always a lull. Lulls have been known to drain ones creative energy if you let them. I know from experience that if I let myself I can easily slip into a creative stupor.

When in that lull or in that space between creativity, it may seem like nothing is happening. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. We need that break. 

When in this state I feel sensitive and quick to take things personally. I could just do nothing and give in to the disappointment when things have not gone as I have expected. Alternatively, I could use this as motivation, a starting point for another creative endeavor.

But self-doubt has a way of getting under your skin. For me I begin to feel an uprising of the “you’re not good enough” gremlins inside me when this happens.

I remember when this happened after something I submitted online was not accepted. It felt like a rejection. “Forget it then!” belted out a voice inside with the force of a 2 year-old having a tantrum when she doesn’t get her way.

But then another voice from deep within countered it with an equally persistent protest: “Why?” it asked, “Just write something different and submit the other to someone else!” It was the voice of my muse, the very same one who had helped me to write that first post.

When I had been writing and creating at numerous other times and felt discouraged and ready to give up, my muse told me in no uncertain terms to stop whining and start creating.

My muse also told me to use my experience—all those discouraged, annoyed, or excited feelings to fuel my writing.

The message was:

Trust your self, use what you have inside to create.”

With the right attitude you can bring any goal into being; it’s all a matter of perspective.”

“So I can trust myself, listen to my inner muse, and try again, or I can give in to the gremlins that discourage persistence, positivity, and faith in one’s self.

It’s a choice one has to make with anything in life: to either believe in yourself or allow yourself to be sucked into self-pity and feelings of self-doubt.

I know I am not alone in this battle of wills. It’s a struggle for a lot of creatives, new and seasoned, to push on through for their visions to be birthed. It is easy enough to get lost in the sea of other creations out there.

Trying to navigate through them without comparing yourself to others’ successes can be difficult.

Muting the voices of self-doubt gremlins can be quite a feat. Here are some things that can help you trust yourself again when feeling defeated:

1. Ground yourself.

If you find yourself being pulled into negative thoughts stemming from past experiences or comments from others, staying present is key to being able to focus on the positive.

Sometimes it’s as simple as getting outside in nature. For others, meditating may help. I love walking meditations out in nature where I notice the details of my surroundings without judgment.

2. Balance the negative.

If you find that voices of the critical gremlins (both inner and outer) are way too loud, drown them out (or at least balance them) with your own chants of self-praise.

This can be hard when you’re in a real funk and find it difficult to access encouraging words for your self. To counter these voices you may find it helpful to write down 5 to 10 positive things about yourself in a handy mini notepad.

Whenever the gremlins strike with their undermining comments of “You’re not good enough,” whip out your book and read out loud words of praise for your self.

3. Take a break.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by what you perceive as not going so well, take some time away from that project and focus on something totally different. Sometimes shifting our focus away from what we are stuck on helps us take a new perspective when we come back to it.

Doodle, scribble, paint with your hands. Put on your favorite music and move around.

4. Nurture yourself.

It’s easy to get lost in the sea of self-doubt when we forget to take care of or own needs.

Make sure you have enough play time (away from work to balance the work and play). Be sure to stay hydrated with plenty of water throughout the day (not all at once), get enough sleep, and eat healthily.

Keep a gratitude art journal where you pick a picture out of a magazine or from online and choose one to three things a day that you are thankful for.

5. Connect with others.

While it is important to strengthen your self-love muscles, it is just as important to get the support you need from others. Whether this is from friends, family, or a professional therapist or coach, getting reassurance or help from others can make a big difference.

Sometimes just the reassurance that you are not the only one who gets stuck or has moments of self doubt can be help you shift a “why me” attitude.

What helps you overcome doubt in your abilities?” [http://tinyurl.com/chw7xwm]

Part Three

20 Key Questions on Motivation and Habits, Answered – http://tinyurl.com/8y3zj8y

Part Four – Case Study

Very recently in a LinkIn public thread, in another so-call ‘ professional discussion’ group, where none of the members knew me; why I was enquiring; or for whom , I raised questions of Private RTOs because there are clearly issues that need to be addressed concerning quality of student outcomes amongst other things (e.g., Childcare centres blacklist accredited training organisations providing poor graduates, http://tinyurl.com/kgv54th) The overall theme of the thread was how to improve the quality and outcomes of Vocational Education and Training (VET).

Within minutes, I was labelled ‘naive’, ‘having a severe lack of understanding of the adult education and VET sector’, ‘idealist’, ‘ insular’, ‘looking at things [only] from an academic/research/consultancy position (incorrect)’, ‘… ‘claim, [I] have not worked at the coal face ‘, ‘totally lacking in manners and respect for fellow professionals’ , ‘professed Doctor of Education’, and probably more. Not forgetting a few personal jibes consistent with social media trolling.

In addition, I was disciplined by the Moderator for Posting certain views (not specified) because ‘someone’ was upset and warned that I would be removed if I continued. Well, that’s one way to shut down dialogue and keep the masses happy. I doubt it helps their cause.

That is what Government training and skills authorities observe from at least some Private RTOs in particular – is it any wonder they are not listening?

Part Five

There are times when silence has the loudest voice: Leroy Brownlow

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